JennifeReally

Obviously, I’m going through some kind of mental breakdown. I’m not quite sure what it is, but either way I just don’t feel right. Something inside me is just telling me that things aren’t right and they need to change. I’m not looking for pity and I’m not self loathing. I don’t hate myself and I don’t hate my life. I know I’m normally more optimistic than this, but for some odd reason, I just totally feel out of place. The idea of me being homesick came into mind. It’s not that either. I just don’t have much going for me anywhere. The only thing I’m looking forward to are my classes and actually learning something. Just no matter where I am, I just feel totally alone. My boyfriend isn’t the kind of person to confide in now a days. We’re kind of just on different levels now. I could only explain so much on how I’m feeling but it just doesn’t feel right. I just feel like always crying. This isn’t good. I know it’s not. I used to admire my life and those who were in it. Now I can’t count on anybody. I just have all of these thoughts jumbled inside of my head and I can’t seem to grasps anything without going completely obscured. Honestly I just think I’ve lost myself. The summer was good to me, but since the beginning of it I just felt out of place. I wouldn’t say I don’t have any friends, I just don’t have any good friends. I’m around people all day, talking to almost everyone I know. Yet even that doesn’t complete me. This sounds totally foolish and just stupid, but this is the first I’ve written about it. There is just something in me that is missing and I won’t be complete until I’ve found it.